Friday, July 9, 2010

SUICIDE IS FOREVER

This week has been a big one for me. With the news on Wednesday that my beautiful young cousin Roger chose to take his own life, I have been on a journey back into my childhood memories. The picture I keep seeing in my head, is the beautiful little blonde boy who thought I was the ant's pants. The sweet little smile and his cute little ways. Of course he had grown up and was 30 years old, but for some reason, my mind keeps taking me back to when he was little, before he got sad.

Suicide is such a terrible event in a family. Everyone shares some kind of guilt... "what if" is a part of every second thought. Suicide leave us with so many questions unanswered... so many thoughts of "why". Some people are always going to chose to die like this and nothing that anyone might have done can change this. Others that have the thought of suicide, get help and find their way out of those thoughts. But once it is done, there is nothing more to be said, it is done.

The worst thing about a suicide, is that the family is left behind to pick up the pieces. Grief is the hardest of all emotions to deal with. It rips at our hearts, makes us feel empty, hopeless and helpless and leaves us with nowhere to turn to make it go away. It creates a big black hole in our souls and strips our minds of all thoughts of joy or happiness. All this is normal, we are meant to feel like this. But for a time it is all that there is, intense nothingness!

I have had a lot of experience with tragic deaths and way too many suicides for one person to experience in one lifetime and it never gets any easier. But one thing I have learned is that we are never alone with our grief, it is something that all who loved that person share, differently maybe, but we all feel the loss. Some find no respite from this loss and it lingers for a long time. Others talk about it and share their feelings and find a way out of feeling so empty and alone. It is a good thing to share the grieving process and help each other through this hard time. Family therapy can help too. There are support groups in most towns and many other places that specialise in helping families and individuals come to terms with suicide or other types of loss.

Suicide is not something to keep a secret. It is something that we all need to have an understanding of. We all need to know how to ask the questions that count if we think that someone might be at risk. And if we are too scared to ask those questions, we should involve others that might be able to help. My Uncle thought my cousin was at risk and he did the right thing, he took him to a doctor the day before he died. Unfortunately they tried to get him in to see a psychiatrist, but no-one was available to see him that day. But at least my Uncle saw the signs and tried to help and he stayed with him and tried to make sure he was safe. My cousin was probably always going to chose to die, but as with pretty much everyone that dies by suicide, he gave off signals and signs and my Uncle picked them up and acted on them. It is sad that even though he did this, my cousin suicided the next day, but I hope that my Uncle can remember that he at least tried to help.

My family has a big week ahead... we are burying Roger on Tuesday... but we will be doing it together, we will be talking about our grief and we will be watching out for each other and that is all we can do.

Suicide is a permanent solution to something that is usually just a moment in time. With the right help we get over these moments and life moves on, without help too many die.

If you think someone is at risk, ask the questions, listen for the answers and do what you can to help.

Life is short... let's make it matter...

1 comment:

  1. Lifeline offer all sorts of support for suicide, from prevention to support groups. There is a lot of information on the net also and for depression the best place to go is Beyondblue...

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