SUICIDE IS FOREVER

This week has been a big one for me. With the news on Wednesday that my beautiful young cousin Roger chose to take his own life, I have been on a journey back into my childhood memories. The picture I keep seeing in my head, is the beautiful little blonde boy who thought I was the ant's pants. The sweet little smile and his cute little ways. Of course he had grown up and was 30 years old, but for some reason, my mind keeps taking me back to when he was little, before he got sad.

Suicide is such a terrible event in a family. Everyone shares some kind of guilt... "what if" is a part of every second thought. Suicide leave us with so many questions unanswered... so many thoughts of "why". Some people are always going to chose to die like this and nothing that anyone might have done can change this. Others that have the thought of suicide, get help and find their way out of those thoughts. But once it is done, there is nothing more to be said, it is done.

The worst thing about a suicide, is that the family is left behind to pick up the pieces. Grief is the hardest of all emotions to deal with. It rips at our hearts, makes us feel empty, hopeless and helpless and leaves us with nowhere to turn to make it go away. It creates a big black hole in our souls and strips our minds of all thoughts of joy or happiness. All this is normal, we are meant to feel like this. But for a time it is all that there is, intense nothingness!

I have had a lot of experience with tragic deaths and way too many suicides for one person to experience in one lifetime and it never gets any easier. But one thing I have learned is that we are never alone with our grief, it is something that all who loved that person share, differently maybe, but we all feel the loss. Some find no respite from this loss and it lingers for a long time. Others talk about it and share their feelings and find a way out of feeling so empty and alone. It is a good thing to share the grieving process and help each other through this hard time. Family therapy can help too. There are support groups in most towns and many other places that specialise in helping families and individuals come to terms with suicide or other types of loss.

Suicide is not something to keep a secret. It is something that we all need to have an understanding of. We all need to know how to ask the questions that count if we think that someone might be at risk. And if we are too scared to ask those questions, we should involve others that might be able to help. My Uncle thought my cousin was at risk and he did the right thing, he took him to a doctor the day before he died. Unfortunately they tried to get him in to see a psychiatrist, but no-one was available to see him that day. But at least my Uncle saw the signs and tried to help and he stayed with him and tried to make sure he was safe. My cousin was probably always going to chose to die, but as with pretty much everyone that dies by suicide, he gave off signals and signs and my Uncle picked them up and acted on them. It is sad that even though he did this, my cousin suicided the next day, but I hope that my Uncle can remember that he at least tried to help.

My family has a big week ahead... we are burying Roger on Tuesday... but we will be doing it together, we will be talking about our grief and we will be watching out for each other and that is all we can do.

Suicide is a permanent solution to something that is usually just a moment in time. With the right help we get over these moments and life moves on, without help too many die.

If you think someone is at risk, ask the questions, listen for the answers and do what you can to help.

Life is short... let's make it matter...

Alcohol - Superstores and other scary things...

So it seems that alcohol is the big thing on the list of conversations I had had this week. It was the topic of my first conversations of the day yesterday and also the last and many in between. There are a lot of people talking about alcohol in Byron Bay at the moment. Why? Probably the biggest reason right now has a lot to do with the news that Woolies are putting a Dan Murphy's Superstore liquor outlet smack bang right in the middle of town. There seem to be a lot of adults excited at the thought of having this giant 1000 square metre alcohol SUPERmarket come to town and just as many totally disgusted at the thought. Personally, I sit on the side of disgust. I have spent much of my time over the last few years working hard to combat the problems associated with alcohol use and misuse, its' short-term problems and its' devastating long-term problems, particularly the mental health implications.

As the Team Leader of BUDDI-CDAT (Byron Underage Drinking & Drug Initiative - Community Drug Action Team), I have made it a priority, to try and find solutions to the problems that alcohol causes in our community, particularly among our young people.

For those that are looking forward to the arrival of a Dan Murphy's Superstore, I would like you to understand just what it is. It is MASSIVE! Imagine something 3/4 the size of Woolies, that only sells alcohol! This store will take up the entire southern end of the Woolies complex, the old Video Connection store, Crazy Clark's, Esspressohead, the pawn shop, the shoe repairs shop, the huge storage area in the corner that was Crazy Clark's warehouse (which most people wouldn't have seen), the old WaterGarden and Chocolate. This is not a small concern, it is potentially a GIANT problem.

One of the biggest problems of letting such a huge multi-national liquor outlet into Byron, is the availability of cheap alcohol. I guess this is the reason that half of our adults seem to be delighted by the thought, is that they will be able to buy their grog at the heavily discounted prices that such huge buying power allows. But when it comes to teenagers, the availability of such cheap alcohol is one of the main reasons that alcohol is such a huge problem with them. They don't have a lot of money to spend, so the cheaper the grog, the more they can have.

Another huge problem that I see with this type of superstore, is the loss of those working there being able to know where their sales are going. In the smaller bottleshops, they seem to be able to discern between those that are buying for themselves and those that are buying for the teens waiting around the corner or at home. They get to know their customers. They even seem to care enough to advise those parents that are buying on behalf of their children about such things as the Secondary Supply Laws and I have even had parents tell me that the first that they knew that this practice was illegal, was in the bottleshop staff telling them.

Another big problem that I see with Dan Murphy's, is the location. These kinds of alcohol warehouses are normally situated somewhere slightly away from town, such as in industrial areas. Not here though. Here it will be straight across the road from a kindergarten, just around the corner from two primary schools and straight next door to the cinema. What a great way to educate our kids on responsible drinking, having them watch the adults leaving Dan Murphy's with their huge slabs of grog, while the kids line up to see Harry Potter!

We don't need this superstore in Byron Bay. We already have more liquor licenses in this area that anywhere else in New South Wales. As far as Local Government Areas (LGO's) go, this area already has 351 liquor licenses per 100 000 head of population. The NSW LGO state average for these licenses is 220. Directly attributed to this, is the outrageous rates of alcohol-related weekend assaults, with Byron LGA having 612 incidents per 100 000 population in comparison to the NSW state average of 212. Just to emphasis, I will repeat that, 612 compared to 212! But this is just the tip of the iceberg. Byron Bay has also ranked number one in all of NSW for 9 out of the last 10 years for PCA (prescribed alcohol limit) and DUI (driving under the influence) offences. In 2008 Police in the Tweed/Byron Local Area Command (LAC) recorded 1,087 PCA arrests, which was double all but one Sydney metropolitan LAC and 200 more than any other region in NSW. In 2009 the Byron LAC recorded 1,029 PCA/DUI charges, once again more than 200 higher than anywhere else and this time, more than double any metropolitan LAC.

While we are on the numbers, I am going to continue. In 2008 Byron Bay ranked number 2 in all of NSW for Offensive Conduct and has been in the top five since 2005. This is an increasing problem and usually always alcohol-related.

For non-domestic violence related Assault, Byron LGA ranked number 8 in 2006 and 2007. 71% of these offences are alcohol-related.

And we can't really just bag alcohol as the only problem here. Byron Bay also ranked number 1 in NSW in 2008 for Possession &/or use of cannabis and has been in the top three for this crime since at least 2004.

So, let's get real about this. Byron Bay has a serious problem with drug and alcohol misuse and abuse. We also have a massive problem with crime associated with both these things. I could go on and on about the crime stats for this region. We have the most appalling record in the entire state in all areas of alcohol-related crime and drug offences. We also have a dire record of deaths associated to drugs and alcohol, but particularly to alcohol. Alcohol is implicated in most suicides and I am not going to go into the statistics for this region, because it is just too shocking. P-plater deaths and all other areas of vehicular deaths are more often that not attributed to alcohol intoxicated drivers. Alcohol is also implicated in high numbers of break-ins, car thefts, sexual assaults and in fact, every single criminal offence that you can imagine, more often than not, has alcohol in the mix. It is the number one problem in our society today, but particularly in this region.

Nothing in our country is being studied with more vigor than the effects of alcohol abuse and its' devastating consequences. And nothing more so, than its' effect on the still-forming teenage brain. The biggest conversation that adults need to be having at the moment, is what do we do about our teenagers and their love affair with alcohol. This is not a new problem, but what is new is the scientific proof that alcohol has an extreme effect on the formation of the brain and serious long-term problems that include crime, mental health disorders and early death. In my next article, I will talk about and list point form some other eye-opening reasons and scientific findings, that support the fact that we need to be more aware of and certainly much more active in our dealings with drugs and alcohol in our society and particularly it's effects on our youth.

Besides my work with BUDDI, I am also an accredited Adult and Youth Mental Health First Aid Instructor and work closely with many organisations whose sole purpose is to work with young people who are living with problems associated with drugs, alcohol and mental illness, none more so than Byron Youth Service. Part of my work also involves running a drop-in program at the YAC for 12 to 17 year olds every Friday night. Most of these kids are around 13 or 14. Many of them, although not personally using these intoxicants, are affected by them, with their parents and older siblings having problems of abuse. Every week I struggle with keeping these young people safe and proud. I can't do much about what happens in their own homes, but while they are with me and at the YAC, I can at least keep these other dangers at bay. Another thing I struggle with every week, is the other kids, usually not much older than them, who appear in the parklands around the YAC and particularly at the rather dimly-lit skate park, with their cartons of beer and various other bottles of alcohol and casks of wine. This happens every Friday night.

This week, five of them turned up, 3 girls and 2 boys. We had just finished eating pizza and after a short time of hanging around the amphitheatre, some of the kids wanted to head back to the skatepark. The other youth worker and I cleaned up the pizza boxes and I was making my way over behind the kids, when I heard a war of words erupt. Sounding way out of the ordinary, I quickened my pace and found the Friday night kids having some serious things to say to this other group of young people, who in return were shouting abuse at them. It all finished pretty fast, with the Friday night kids retreating behind me and the other older kids, realising there was an adult present, shutting up pretty fast as well.

What astounded me about this interaction, was the passionate anti-drinking sentiments coming out of the 13 year olds, in comparison to the others fiercely defending their 'right' to be drinking at the skatepark as it is 'public' land. This is never an easy situation for me, as I don't want to come across as a finger-wagging old foggie, but I have a duty of care for the young people attending the friday night program and I also feel that I have a duty of care to the kids that find their way to the skatepark to do their drinking, besides which I also have a duty of care to the community that I live in. So, there is no easy way to handle this, except to be real. I explain that yes, this is public land, however, it is a an alcohol-free zone, as is pretty much every other area of public parkland in Byron, that the skatepark area is not an appropriate place to be drinking anyway, particularly on a friday night when I have all these young people around 13 in a supervised, safe-socialising program, where we also use the skatepark; that the bottles that get smashed every week in the skatepark put everyone that goes there at risk because none of them ever take their rubbish with them and that at the end of the day, yes, a little bit of finger-wagging, they aren't old enough to be legally drinking anyway, so their 'right' to defend what they are doing is null and void anyway. What else can I say? Plenty actually, but they don't want to hear it, they are already intoxicated and if I went on, it wouldn't do anything but to antagonise them anyway and my priority on Friday nights is to look after and protect the kids attending the YAC, so I let it go and suggest that they move on. As they are leaving, I ask them "How old are you anyway?" and the replies come in fast, "18", "19", "22", three of them offering up. But the Friday night kids are listening and on our way back over to the YAC, they all have a lot to say, but the loudest is and almost unanimous is "those kids were lying, they are all in Year 9 at Byron High". I had already figured as much. Having 13 and 23 year old daughters and being involved with so many other young people every week, I am pretty good at judging the ages of kids. So, being in Year 9, these five would have all been somewhere between 14 and at the most 16. Why and how is it that they are out and about on their own and in possession of alcohol? And what is it that their parents think they are doing? Scarily, according to statistics, one of their parents may have even bought them the alcohol!

So, what do we do about all these problems that alcohol use causes in our society? This has no one answer. It is a complicated and complex problem, with every single aspect of human life, in some way, shape or form, potentially affected by its' use. Over the coming weeks, I will try to bring some of these things into the light and I encourage you all to bring up these things in your conversations and really talk about them. Make it a priority. But this week, Dan Murphy's is the topic I want everyone to talk about. This is potentially a huge problem-making move, allowing such a huge alcohol pusher into our town.

Byron Bay, traditionally, cared about keeping these multi-nationals out of here. We fought passionately and successfully to keep McDonalds and Club Med out. Yet, over the last few years, all of that seems to have been futile and forgotten. We are now creeping towards being the capital of the multi-national's, with so many other giants moving in such as Sportsgirl, Billabong, Quicksilver, two Subways, Domino's and Witchery to name a few. I am all for progress, but with the infiltration of these multi-nationals and Byron's increasing popularity as a party town allowing the seriously big alcohol outlets in is a really bad step backwards!

I am raising a call to arms for the people of Byron Bay to do the responsible thing and to combat the potentially huge problem that allowing the grog GIANT that is Dan Murphy's into our town. Write the letters, petition council, do whatever you can to make this one go away. If this one makes it in, it will be extremely detrimental not only to the nature of our town, but also to the future mental health and well-being of our young people. Take a stand Byron Bay... talk about it and take action...

Life is short, let's make it easier and let's make it matter...